Hello Ladies!
I'm sorry this has taken me most of the day to write. Due to a few unexpected circumstances (having to work and Alex being in town) I didn't get to read all day yesterday like I thought I was going to. That said, I have been scrambling to finish the first half today, but I realized about twenty minutes ago that I didn't want to rush this. I still have about thirty pages to go, but I have a quite a few thoughts I'm ready to share.
(And Katy, I didn't really read your e-mail too carefully because I didn't want to spoil the plot. So comment away!)
I don't really know what format I want to use for organizing my thoughts (if that is even possible), so just roll with me. And any pages I use in reference are from the version with the pictured cover.
1 - First Impressions So far I am loving this book. I was a little on the skeptical side when Katy and I picked it out, modern literature is sometimes a bit hard for me, but within the first few pages I was completely drawn to her writing style. Yes, it is a bit gruesome here and there (the worms are the thing that really killed me!), but I think she is writing it beautifully!
Even on Page 2, I was captivated by this line: "As he opened to the world again, everything around him was distressingly intense and all things were possessed in feeling, alive, as in a powerful dream... (at the end of the next paragraph) To come alive after dying to himself was dangerous."
I love the thought of dying to oneself only to reawaken to a whole new world. I have no real idea what this is like, but it feels passionate. And it does feel dangerous, but in the I'm-about-to-jump-out-of-this-plane-and-pray-that-my-chute-opens sort of way. And yet so much deeper. Does anyone have an example of this in their own life?
2 - Delphine I'm continuing on with that quote because although I know it was referring to Fidelis, I think it pertains to Delphine so much more. I feel like she was shut down when we first met her. Yes, she loves/d Cyprian, and is making a good life, but even before she knew he was gay, I don't think she was truly living. I think she sort of died a long time ago and has been revived by returning home. I think Eva opened her eyes to more than she could ever fathom there being in life. And I also think that she's going to find this to be so dangerous, because once you experience love, it's impossibly hard to give it up.
"With their eyes locked they rushed through the air, ecstatic, hearts lurching." (Page 137) How is she supposed to go back to a nothing existence after that?
But I must confess that I'm not really sure how I feel about Delphine. I think I love her, for her fierce loyalty to everything Eva, for protecting the children, for her loyalty to her father, and her stubborn, resolute, no-nonsense attitude. But she's driving me mad over Cyprian. Yes, they love each other, yes, they are wonderful friends, but wouldn't that be killing her? Or am I misinterpreting it? And I know I can't judge her or be really mad at her, for haven't most of us wanted for someone who wasn't right for us?
And I think I want her to take a step of self-confidence as a woman. I think she knows how to be friend, helper, mother (to her father, and maybe even the boys), but I'm not sure she knows how to be a woman. To stand alone and say "This is me: broken and ragged and hurting and soft and wanting to be loved." Maybe that was something that wasn't done in the Thirties, but even so...
3 - Eva Love her. Love her. Love her. I love her for loving Delphine, I love her for being that woman, I love her for following Fidelis and making her life far from her home. I love her for being fierce about her love, almost to the point where I wondered for a long time if she really did love Fidelis or not.
All that said, I think the story is really beginning now that she is gone. I hurt for Markus, and Fidelis, and Delphine, yes, but I think Eva was right when she said "...death is only part of things bigger than we can imagine... What next? You will see, and you will see your mother is of the design." (Page 119) She is an integral part of this story, no doubt, but there is something more coming that couldn't have happened if she were here.
Strange to think? Maybe, but I think it's true...
4 - Other thoughts Is anyone else confused as to why the first chapter make a fairly big deal out of Fidelis and then the ensuing chapters hardly even use him as a supporting character? Especially since he is the title. See... There's a lot more story to come!
I don't have much else to say right now. Well, I do, but I want to hear what your first impressions are. And your questions. So go to it! I'm going to fix dinner and then finish the rest of my thirty pages!!!
Initial impressions:
ReplyDeleteI agree that I am captivated by the book so far. I enjoyed reading your comments, Gretch.
1-First Impressions. I agree that rebirth seems to be a common theme throughout the book so far. Your specific question of how this applies in our own life, I can compare it to being married. Who was Susan Dew, or Susan Shipley, really? I think there were a lot of unknowns and insecurities. I feel like a different woman as Susan Wheeler. I feel confident in my love for Josh and excited about how we will grow together as partners. I feel like a whole person, yet still very much independent, if that makes sense. I think that's one of the biggest reasons that Josh and I work well together; we both are independent, but we can respect each other and be independent together.
Gretchen, I figured you would either love or hate her writing style. I like how she shares some of the future when she's talking about the present. Example: "The wind boomed around Fidelis with a vast indifference he found both unbearable and comforting. He didn't know that he would never leave" (pg. 13). There's more examples, but that's the first that I could find. I like the style. It gives you more of a tie to the story itself.
2. Delphine. I definitely see Delphine on a journey. I think the journey to find herself is primary in that, although she doesn't realize it. Her continued search for a mother figure in her life shows that she feels like she's missing something, and I think that's why she loved Eva so much. Eva accepted her when very few others had. She definitely has grown, even in the first half. I could never have imagined her walking up to Tante's house, demanding the morphine the way she did in the beginning of her relationship with Eva.
Her relationship with Cyprian is confusing to her, even. She wants to be loved, and she wants to love in return. She refuses to marry him, which means she knows the potential for something more than just companionship. I think she stayed with Cyprian because he was he dominant mind in the relationship. It's interesting that the book doesn't really dwell a lot on interaction between them as much as interaction between Delphine and Eva and the Waldvogel family. I think a lot of why she is content with her and Cyprian's relationship is unconscious fear. I think it's why a lot of people end up in destructive relationships. They are afraid they won't find anything better or they are worried no one will love them more. That's one of the reasons why I was proud of her when she said no to Cyprian; she recognized that it wasn't enough for her.
I would agree that she doesn't know how to be a woman. I think she's learning, though. I continually see her grow throughout the first half, and I think there's more to come.
3-Eva. Eva is the one that everyone loves because she loves everyone. She is kind and strong, and unbelievably generous. I think she did love Fidelis. I think they understood each other, even though the author doesn't spend a lot of time on their interactions.
Gretch, your idea that she is a part of something that couldn't have happened if she were there is interesting. I think the strength of her presence so far would affirm that we will see actions and thoughts develop because of her.
4-Other thoughts. I think Fidelis is the one that ties everyone together, which is why the book started with him and is named after him. Maybe that will change as the book progresses, but it seems like he is the central character that is the glue to all of the different story lines.
I am surprised that there isn't more plot around the singing group, since that what the title is, but again, maybe there's more to that later.
Is anyone else confused about the significance of the red dress and the basement? I know that the Hock found red beads that sealed the trap door, but is it as simple as the beads link her to being at the scene? It was her father's wake, after all, so it seems obvious that she would be there.
So far I really like the book. I like the idea of knowing I have to discuss it. It makes me think about the concepts and characters a lot more than I usually would.
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ReplyDeleteI only have time to post about a bit…Craig is ready to go home!
ReplyDelete1- Hmmm…How many moments like Fidelis’ are we allowed in this life (some small and some larger, I am sure you have had them Gretch) that when we look back we realize how we were coming more into our own person? In my experience, it has been, perhaps not my old self ‘dying away’, but growing into something larger and greater than I could have ever dreamed I would be. I wonder if he feels this awakening so much more intensely because while away at war he was in another world so different from the one he has returned to? War contains so much death, darkness, and lack of vibrancy that Fidelis must have been in quite a shock. I thank God that I will never have to fight in a war. I cannot even begin to imagine how terrible it must be.
So personally, my moments…I believe they have almost all occurred through my travels. Removing myself from a culture, language and group that I am so familiar with, and dropping into a completely new one, is always intense, shocking and illuminating all at once. In Costa Rica, I found self confidence and strength to face the world as an ambitious, educated woman. I realized how young and free I was and how life was sitting right in front of me, waiting to be lived fully, if only I would stop wallowing in my own self pity and remorse over past events. I was able to enjoy myself for the first time in months (after my vision and headaches problems and break-up with Aaron and the ensuing departure of all my high school friends). I realized that people still wanted to be involved with me, wanted to be my friend, wanted to grow with me. This time was incredibly empowering. In Japan, I have become a wife, a teacher, a student of life. What I have learned here and am continuing to learn here would be a whole entry by itself. Suffice to say, I feel Fidelis’ intensity of awakening quite often here. I know that is why I stay.
And since a good discussion requires difference in opinion:
Her writing style is DRIVING ME INSANE…I was amused to read that you enjoyed her hints into the future story, Suz. I cannot stand it. I would much rather she just tell the story. My greatest writing teacher yet, Mr. Carney (7th and 8th grade) taught me to show, never tell. Show what they are learning, experiencing, don’t just relate it in, “She did, He did”, simpleness. While I do think that alluding to the future thing characters will learn and experience can be a very effective plot device, it should be used sparingly!!!!! I find she uses it multiple times in a chapter. It loses its effect.
Finally, I have had a hard time throughout the entire first half connecting with the characters. I can understand their emotions and relate sometimes but in general I am having difficulty getting absorbed into the story. I think this is due to her writing in the past third person. I feel too removed. I don’t like this style of narrative voice. But her sentences are generally well crafted and she uses interesting descriptions and verbs.
2- I relate to Delphine’s constant brooding…I am brooding often these days. I loved the sentence, pg.27, “In the night, deep in the dark, Delphine’s brain flickered on and her thoughts woke her”. *Good verb! Anyone relate to this??? I have been waking most nights at 3 a.m. recently full of thoughts. I agree she is on a journey (aren’t we all?) seeking her true self. I think she has only recently been able to be her true self. She was forced to be an adult too soon due to her lack of a mother and her father’s drinking. I agree that she is in a destructive relationship because of a fear of the unknown. But also, perhaps because she has never experienced ‘love’ in her past relationships or had a model for a truly supportive, loving partnership?! She is settling for something subpar since she doesn’t know what is possible or believe something better is possible. I know in my life I have stayed with the wrong person for too long for both those reasons!
3- Eva. So far she is the character I like best, can relate to easiest. I like what you girls are thinking about her role. The whole story would have went a different way if Fidelis had NOT married her in the beginning. And I loved how she was finding the faith toward her death to remember that there are things larger than us, plans before and after our small little lives.
ReplyDelete4- This novel confuses me in general. It is unlike any I have read so far. Skipping around at strange times, into different characters' heads and life stories. I can't remember reading a novel where the central character connects everyone but we know so little about the day to day thoughts/actions of that character.
Hmmm, the red dress. I think we will probably see more of it. But agree, that it is a bit obvious that she was there. The murders really freaked me out. How could you not notice that something like that was in your basement? Shudders...
I keep wondering too when the 'plot' will start. I have had trouble getting into the story and am not sure if I like her writing style?!?
1.First Impressions – I struggled with her writing style for the first couple of chapters. For lack of a better way to say it, her style made me feel tired! I was weary of similes and double meanings and adjective after adjective… I think it really prevented me from diving into the story right away. In fact, although I felt deep sympathy for Fidelis and the horrors he surely endured, I had a difficult time connecting with any of the characters until the relationship between Eva and Delphine developed (more on that later). I have gotten used to it, though… in fact I think that it may even be growing on me.
ReplyDeleteI found an odd comfort in the idea of dying to oneself in order to be reborn and re-invented, because of the familiarity of the example of Jesus. He tells us that we must die to ourselves in order to truly live and be born. We have no other choice. Fidelis had to experience and endure the war in order to truly become himself.
I feel like I am living this every day as I learn to be a mom. Yes, in marriage you learn that “it’s not about me” anymore… but in motherhood the lesson is banged into your head tenfold. I do feel like I am becoming a truer version of myself, and learning to live in a new way, while also dying… every moment of every day and night. And if I didn’t ‘die’, I wouldn’t have ever found this new life. Does that make any sense?
2.Delphine – I feel so much compassion for Delphine. Can you even imagine growing up the way that she did? No wonder she is a confused, sad woman, trapped in a dysfunctional relationship. Seeing her melt and then blossom as she opened up to Delphine, becoming a competent and efficient employee and then caretaker, was beautiful. And regarding her relationship with Cyprian… I know it is sad and wrong and she should hope for so much more, but in a way, I think their simple devotion to each other is beautiful. I agree that Delphine knows there is more, and I think she is learning to believe that she deserves more, which is why she won’t marry Cyprian.
3. Eva- I am incredibly inspired by Eva! She is a beautiful woman, who endured great tragedy and heartbreak. She has made a beautiful, simple home for her family – I love the description of her bathroom. She is a wonderful mother, and although you don’t learn much of her relationship with Fidelis, I just sense that there is a solidness and resolve which binds them together. She inspires me because although she is simply living her life the best way that she knows how, she AFFECTS people. One person she affected deeply was Delphine father. He loved Eva so much that he instantly sobered up when she died, as if he needed to make her death count for something. We don’t even know of much contact that they had, but she still affected him. Sometimes I look at my life and wonder where all my grand plans have ended up. And sometimes I feel like I have failed because I don’t have a powerful career or I’m not performing… I am just a wife, and just a mother, and just an office schlep for a church… don’t we all dream of changing the world?! But I love how Eva’s character didn’t set out to do anything remarkable… she simply lived and loved, and people were drawn to her.
It’s late and that’s about all my brain can handle right now… I’ll try to write more soon!
I typed the above in Word and pasted it in, so I could leave and come back to it if I needed to. sorry that it took out the paragraph breaks!
ReplyDeleteKaty... I had to agree with you on the plot starting part. I felt like there was never something that bound this all together. It kind of drove me nuts for a bit, but I guess she's just a writer we are all having to get used to.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting to me that we have all noticed her writing style. I pay mild attention to the styles while reading a book, but her's is so blatant that I had a hard time not paying attention to it. Karissa, what made you weary of her writing is probably what I liked best about it. It was almost too over the top and too rich. There was something that just sort of resonated in my soul with that. And I too loved the description of Eva's bathroom!
Dying to oneself... This is going to sound silly, but I was trying to figure out where I was reminded of dying to yourself in our daily lives. Uh. DUH! Jesus. As soon as you said it, I couldn't believe how I couldn't remember! Do you all remember in IV when Don went through this "Suffer, Die, Rise" theme? It was probably our Junior year. Yes! This is exactly what I was trying to remember. This phrase "suffer die rise" has haunted me since college. Even just last week I thought of it. And as I have been mulling over this for the past two weeks I have discovered that yes, I do know what it's like to come alive again. My time in Germany was a perfect example to this. I can't say that I purposely chose to die while there, but I did purposely choose Jesus after that. And singing on the stage of the Bayreuth Opera House was probably the most alive and most Gretchen I have ever felt.
Perhaps we are all a bit like Eva. Though we all had similar and yet totally different childhoods, there are no major tragedies to have skewed our visions of ourselves, like Delphine. We are rather confident (if not all the time, a good portion of the time) in who we are. And in college (and before college for me) I had a definite plan for my life. I think we all sort of did. And But overall, I wouldn't change this version of my life that has come out. I work hard, I'm learning to dream, I have a home I love, and a "family" that is so supportive of me. I loathe the thought of running into Julie Simson for fear of not measuring up to all I could have been. But I still know who I am. I still love my life and still can be all that I was meant to be, even if it doesn't change the world.
Does all that make sense? I think I'm still a little asleep so if not, then sorry!
*Disclaimer – since we’ve all already finished this I’m going to comment on the second half of the book too J
ReplyDeleteFirst Impressions – I really liked her writing style. I think her word choice is really good and I loved the way that she could interweave the emotional and almost spiritual world of her characters with the day-to-day quirks and nuances of their personalities. The bouncing around from character to character didn’t bother me at all, actually – it reminded me a lot of Maeve Binchy’s books (which are wonderful. Light chick books but full of relationship and love – you guys should read them!).
Delphine is a really interesting character. It’s fascinating how the initial display of her physical strength transformed itself into emotional strength as the book went on. And it’s interesting that that’s reflected in her relationships too – her first relationship with Cyprian was one of physical strength on her side and emotional strength on his side (or if he wasn’t emotionally strong himself, she depended on his stability as if he was). And then with Fidelis, he’s the physically strong one and she’s emotionally strong, as Eva was. I think the contrast is really interesting.
Eva – I want to be her. That description of the first time Delphine walks into her kitchen, and there’s bread baking and all these wonderful smells and she gets fed something right out of the oven and it just fills her soul – I want to do that for people! Hopefully I do. But to have that kind of home… sigh.
Susan – I totally thought the red beads thing came out of nowhere too. And (having finished the book) I think maybe it was the wrong title!
Karissa – I’ve also been struggling a bit with feeling like I’ve “failed.” I don’t have a high-powered career, and although I think I’ve finally found something I love (food) what I really want to do with it is cook for people and host people in my home and facilitate relationship between them, not become some executive chef at a restaurant where I’d never see my husband! But I feel like culturally women are expected to now have the same level of jobs as men (or at least strive for them, or profess that they want them) or else they’re saying that they don’t think that they’re as compentent as men. And I know that’s not true but I have trouble convincing myself that it’s ok that the time that I’m most content is when I’m at home feeding people! But if I could make as much of a difference in people’s lives as Eva did… then I would feel like it was worth it. And that God had set that path before me. Maybe he has but I just can’t admit it.
Oh, and Gretchen - I have anxiety dreams about running into Alexa, so you're not alone in that boat :-)
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