Thursday, January 1, 2009
M.B. Prt 2- Things left unsaid
Which leads into the next big feeling I got from this book: things left unsaid. We read the thoughts of so many characters who couldn’t say what they were feeling, who didn’t express in words to others what they were experiencing or what they desired, who didn’t often communicate their needs. I feel amidst all the sorrow, death, struggle, and longing for human companionship and love, the characters in general were terrible at actually speaking to each other and in turn, finding that human connection. No one really managed to fill his or her emotional needs in a healthy, positive way. There were so many life histories, secrets, experiences and dreams left unshared. Why? Is this due to the time period the novel is set in? To the culture collisions? To the human tendency to shy away from difficult things?
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Some families are like this though. Perhaps not any of ours, or perhaps not entirely any of ours, but I know there are people that don't share anything. I look at Dale and wonder how much is really going on in his head and how much he really does know me. I love him deeply, and I know he loves me so much, but he is not one to show any shred of emotion. Or ask for love in any way shape or form.
ReplyDeleteWithout any of us living in that time period (what? the late 20s to early 50s?) we can't really know the level of propriety to which families were accustomed, but I have a feeling that there was no feeling allowed to be shared in this family.
It sort of makes me wonder what type of childhood Louise came from and what her current life looks like. I can't imagine it being the most happy and fulfilling...
Living in California has made me realize how lucky we are to actually have the relationships that we have. I haven't found friends here who understand me as much as you girls do - or who I can as easily communicate with. That's not to say, certainly, that I don't have friends, but the ability to express how I feel and what I want and my desires and needs and wants is limited by how much other people know me - and those relationships just have not happened in California. So to find that rare person to whom you can express those things (like Delphine could to Eva) or we can to each other I think is fairly rare.
ReplyDeleteDo you think Fidelis felt that level of trust and communication with Delphine? Or she with him?
I don't know, Meagan! I wish that Erdrich had allowed us to see more of Delphine and Fidelis' marriage. They were definitely devoted to and loved each other, but could they have been soulmates?
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I am the most thankful for in my marriage is that Justin will never let me "shy away from difficult things", as you say, Katy. He presses into misunderstandings and shattered expectations in a way that I think is unusual, but so healthy. It has certainly strengthened our marriage, and become a habit for us. (I think we've even put Gretchen through some very awkward moments, having these discussions in front of her :)) But in the book, everyone seems to live inside of themselves, rarely reaching out to share their inner feelings. I think they are tragically missing out of an incredibly rich part of the human experience.